Showing posts with label Mid-life crisis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mid-life crisis. Show all posts

Monday, 11 September 2017

French Faux Pas - an excerpt from a transitory life in rural France


The French language and I have been antagonists since our first introduction. I vandalised the language - according to my Father and teachers, and the language tortured me. Despite the many long hours I spent trying to make friends with The Language of Love, it was not to be , until I hit my mid-life crisis and spontaneously bought a house in France off the internet , in a region where English is infrequently spoken or understood.


With the aid of the Alliance Française, a truce with cette langue was conceded toute de suite and I recommenced French lessons in 2011.


Now I hold the dubious honour of taking the longest time of any Alliance Française student in Melbourne (or perhaps the world) to successfully complete Beginners Level French.  And it's not for lack of trying - it's just that my efforts have been sporadic and the hearing in my left ear has prematurely ceased.

There are words I can understand and spell, but not pronounce. Then there’re words I can pronounce and verbs I can conjugate, but fail to be able to put them into coherent sentences, unless I have preplanned and rehearsed what I want to say.  A killer for spontaneous conversation.  However, the greatest language mistakes I’ve made are with false friends – French words that look and sound like English words, but have a very different meaning.

A further barrier to my communication is the spit-fire speed at which the French speak and the plethora of silent letters that can make a sentence sound like one, very long, indistinguishable word. My comprehension, when it exists, lags at least few paragraphs behind the conversation making me look like a village idiot: my facial expression is blank as the flight or fight mechanism musters the energy needed to decipher what I'm hearing.  Definitely not a time to multitask.

Our first foray into a hardware store (un bricomarche) was met with puzzled looks when I asked the carefully rehearsed question "Est-que vous avez des planchers de chien s'il vous plait?"  Have you (floor) boards (made) of dog please? “Ahhh chêne – oui, oui “ was the relieved response of the shop assistant when I produced the piece of paper on which I had correctly written my question.

Excité(e) is a French word that I can pronounce clearly and confidently. In the past I’ve told quite a few French people (including officials) that I was très excitée to be in France, only to get a reaction which ranged from a smirk to a look of indignation. With such responses, a prudent person would have referred to their dictionary. Not me. 

It was the retort of our close French friend, Guillame, that finally goaded me into checking the translation of excitée. Unfortunately it remained in my oral French vocabulary for years 

One July morning, after a 6 am start in order to make as much possible progress with our renovating before the expected 400 C heat arrived, a trip to the le bricomarché and le supermarché were necessary. As I was leaving My French Folly, clutching a shopping list, Guillame (artisan extraordinaire) appeared - just in time to advise me on what type and brand of wood preservative I should buy.

"Bonjour Guillame " I exclaimed, before kissing him on each cheek, “Je suis 
très excitée parce que tu es arrivé et je vais faire les courses . Quel préservatif, je dois acheter s'il vous plaît ?”

Loosely translated I said "Hello Guillame, I am sexually aroused because you had arrived and I'm going shopping. What type of condom do I need to buy please?"  

Note to self: excité = sexual excitement or arousal (not thrilled or excited); un préservatif = condom; chêne is not pronounced chien.



Saturday, 20 May 2017

Just around the corner - there's a fork in the road.

"…..sometimes, when you take a great risk, life rewards you ten-fold" Heather Robinson

Champagne-Ardenne, France

Have you ever been at a fork in the road on life's journey and not known which path to take? One seems comfortable or familiar, the other foreign - perhaps challenging or fraught with difficulties; real or perceived. Which path do you tend to take? Which path is the better option? Dale Carnegie would emphatically state that "it's the road less travelled". But maybe the answer is "it depends": it depends on your "age or stage" in life, especially when  health issues are involved. 

Despite the path chosen, there should be no regrets. Continue to dream big, ask the seemingly unanswerable questions, add to your bucket list, and review the course you've taken. There is no escaping the fact that life is risky and will present us all with challenges. It is the degree of these challenges and risks and how we respond to them that sets us apart. 
As for me, I'm standing at the fork in my road..................procrastinating!

Linking with Black and White Weekends.

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Wednesday, 7 January 2015

New Year's Resolutions & Bad Habits

The promise of a new year is accompanied by self-reflection and much optimism.

In attempt to avoid letting myself down, I make only a few  simple resolutions. For me, success is a better motivator than failure.


Regrettably, the last 2 years have seen every resolution I've made fail – not healthy for one’s self-esteem. Consequently, my new year's resolution list has grown, out of necessity.  It involves both forming new habits and ridding myself of some recently acquired bad habits, and unfortunately I've developed quite a few of these over the last 18 months. ........ sleep deprivation, indulging in too much chocolate and French pastries, neglecting to exercise, allowing clutter to invade my study, abandoning the pursuits that make my heart sing ........the list goes on. 

One week of the New Year has now passed and I’m happy to report that I’m on track with my resolutions for 2015 ……….. just 51 weeks to go!

Wishing you every success in fulfilling your New Year's resolutions.

Can't help myself , bad habits
Well I'm running wild, lost control
And it's a shame to see
That a girl like me
Has got so many, bad habits
Well I'm off the rails
My resistence fails, tempations got
A hold on me
And I can't refuse
Because I always lose
Can't help myself
Bad habits
Well it just ain't right
That it's something I can't fight
I can't stop going out and having spending fun.......(Christmas sales can be a curse)
Well I tried to be good,
But I knew I never could
Cause i've got more bad habits than anyone
When I get the urge
I just got to splurge ....... (France, books, gardening and technology - if only I could master it)
I'm a slave to all my desires
Well I'm in a mess
Because i can't repress all of these
Bad habits
Can't help myself
Bad Habits
Well I'm running wild ....... (relatively speaking, for a Capricorn who likes being in control)
Lost control
And it's a shame to see
That a girl like me
Has so many bad habits
Well it just ain't right
It's something I can't fight
I can't stop going out being distracted and having fun
Well I tried to be good

But I knew I never could
Cause i've got more bad habits
Than anyone
When I get the urge
I just got to splurge
I'm a slave to all my desires .......(cheese, chocolate and champagne is on the desires list during the festive season)
Well I'm in a mess
Because i can't repress all of these
Bad habits

Monday, 8 December 2014

Holding On When You Want to Let Go.


If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. Lao Tzu

There has been a prolonged silence from Eiffel tells – nothing said since  mid September.
Dreaming of more of this and ...............

Pourqui you ask? A lot of self-reflection and soul searching has been going on here.

Too many years of multi-tasking and angst have taken their toll...... Then there is my newly acquired tinnitus as well as a few other body parts that no longer function properly, creating daily tests for my patience; nothing life threatening, but niggling enough to make me review where I am and where I would like to be at this stage of my life. 

Definitely time for a change of direction. 

After much thought, and unsolicited advice from friends who have already trodden similar paths, I've decided the best course of action would be to change from full time employment to part time, and further develop the skills I need in order to “follow my passions” .

......... and this 
As a mother and wife who has had a career, I’ve put the interests and needs of those whom I love, my friends and my employer first, leaving very little time or emotional energy for myself. Now it’s time for me – in theory, but alas not in practice.

Last month, my employer refused my request to work part time next year– an unusual response as many of my colleagues already have part-time status and most of those who applied concurrently with me to reduce their hours of work, were granted their requests. There has been no explanation for my application being refused. A compromise appears to be feasible, but it’s not to be an option – for me. I have been with my current employer for 25 years.

I haven’t the courage to resign, and to be honest, I’m not sure if it’s feasible and will not know for quite some months. What would you do if you were me – cautious, and nearing the end of your professional life with a burning desire to change direction, but lacking the knowledge or confidence to do so?


Yes, I know I am fortunate to have such a dilemma, but I am no ‘spring chicken’ and the other hens of my age have already flown the coop. It’s lonely being the oldest chicken on my perch and I’m being sapped of energy just by trying to hold on to the damn thing.

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

It's Time

A view from the terrace at My French Folly
My mind is swimming. Celebrating a significant birthday, returning to work from the summer vacation and enduring a week of searing temperatures in the early to mid forties has taken its toll. I resemble the limp, heat scorched, and now rather tatty, plants in my beloved garden. No matter the nourishment and care I self-administer to rectify the situation, my body doesn't respond.

Mr R and Sue sitting on our terrace in France
after having just arrived for our 2013 sojourn.
In spirit, I am sipping rosé on our terrace in France.

In reality I'm half a world away at my desk, swamped by paper work and daunted by my rapidly growing "must do or else" list. In 2013 my daily routine was broken and I'm finding it jolly hard to re establish - the aftermath of a difficult year.

My head is struggling to rein in my heart. My heart is urging me to change my employment profile - more time to rekindle my neglected passions. I have yet to resolve the conflict between my financial security and emotional wellbeing; however, regardless of my state flux, it has become obvious that it is time to prioritise and simplify my life ………… and improve my French. 



Looking across the village roof tops from the terrace. Absolute peace descends over the village each evening at sunset.

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

The Sleep Thief


Waking up in the morning feeling more exhausted than when you went to sleep? Tired and fuzzy headed, you're dragging yourself through the day? Snoring? Noticed that your memory is not as sharp as it was last year? Secretly think that you're "losing it"?

Welcome to the insidious world of sleep apnea. One in which energy and patience are in short supply, motivation is minuscule and problems magnified.

As John Steinbeck said, It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.  Imagine the ramifications if the sleep committee is on strike. Chaos - on a personal level, professional level and physical level. A lack of sleep plays with the mind and dampens the spirits. There is a feeling that your life is slow motion while everyone else is is in "fast forward".


This is the world in which I've being living for the last 24 months. My malaise developed gradually so I was caught unaware. As young as I am, I have obstructive sleep apnea!  Now my malady has been diagnosed by a careful process of elimination, life is generally looking brighter for everyone here at Number 8 - with one obvious exception which has me trying to reassure myself that  "Beauty has a lot to do with character" Kevyn Aucoin.

I have to go to bed looking like a WW2 pilot, with a breathing mask over my face from which protrudes a log tube attached at the other end to an air pump which hums through the night! My frizzy mop pokes out of the sides of the head piece so I resemble Mo from "The 3 Stooges"! Practicality is "the order of the day" - forget feminine, forget romance. 
WW2 pilot Courtesy Google

With the current daily temperatures hovering in the high thirties and the night time temperatures in the twenties, the head gear has been so unbearably hot and uncomfortable that I've been removing it in my sleep. Hopefully within the next few weeks, the weather will be cooler so I will be getting the full benefit of the air pump.

But I'm not alone. A practitioner in hospital said that currently, about 1 in 100 adults wear a similar contraption to bed, but the ratio should be closer to 1 in 5. Age is not an excluding factor. There are children as young as 4 
with sleep apnea, some of whom were initially incorrectly diagnosed as having ADHD.

The long term effects of leaving this condition untreated include a significantly increased risk of having a stroke, heart attack, dementia and accidents as well as falling asleep while driving! Type 2 diabetes has also been linked to obstructive sleep apnea.


Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone (Anthony Burgess). 
I no longer snore, but I'm very unattractive when I sleep. 

Perhaps you're being visited by the sleep thief?



Monday, 30 April 2012

I'm Not Alone!


A reassuring cartoon appeared in the  Sunday magazine yesterday, 29 April, which mirrored my sentiments  in my most recent blog - I'm not alone. It seems from the supportive emails and comments which I've received last week, that my temporary malaise is not uncommon - a consequence of being over-committed .........with just a touch of middle- age thrown in! Just need to get a balance between what I have to do and what I want to do..........easier said than done. 

Bonne semaine.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Ignorance is Bliss?

It is said that “ignorance is bliss”, to which I can attest. From a person who, since aged 9, used to religiously devour the daily newspaper from front to back, I’ve become a selective reader of the arts, epicure, travel and occasionally the financial sections only. Being confronted daily by reports of grim events over which I have no control is emotionally demanding. And then there’ s the question of where the truth lies. As a firm believer in the multiplicative effect of the power of one, I feel that I’m shirking my civic responsibilities by adopting the ostrich principle when it comes to the news and current affairs, but I feel much happier and more content for it.


However, ignorance has definitely not resulted in a state of bliss when I overlooked the faint tick, ticking of my constant companion, M. Laptop. Unfortunately he ceased to function – permanently – last week; hard drive full and body parts, worn out from overwork. I first noticed his malaise when he was slow to boot up, but it was too late.  Tick…… tick…… gone.

Currently there appears to be some parallels between my life and that of my laptop. My hard-drive is jam-packed – full of facts, useless information, names and faces. I’m certain that its functional storage capacity has been trimmed over the years by intermittent bursts of cortisol. Mid-conversation a word can temporarily take flight . Names, once my forte, are now my “Achilles heel”.

An aching back, clicking joints, an impaired knee, (a skiing injury), and the odd problem with my gastrointestinal tract suggest to me that my body parts are tiring too. Is my dysfunction a temporary condition of modern day living or am I heading the way of my laptop? Better listen carefully for some tick….. tick …… ticking.


When I took this image I was in a state of utter bliss.
I experience the same emotions each time I visit this magical location in Switzerland.


Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Thursday, 17 November 2011

Will Santa Deliver?


Change is inevitable: the rhythmic change of the seasons; cognitive change as we gain life-experience and mature; physical change; change forced upon us from external sources, and change due to our own bad habits – change, over which we tend to delude ourselves.

As I’ve matured I’ve found the following equation to always holds true.
Lack of exercise + lack of sleep + poor food choices = muddled-headed 
                                                                                                              syndrome
 It is said,  “a problem recognised is a problem solved”. If only it were that simple. Currently I’m suffering from muddled-headed syndrome and appear to lack the wherewithal to remedy my malaise. Quite frightening for a person who you used to thrive on order and self-discipline!
My appetite has blossomed, along with my waist -line and bust size, since I reached the state of hormonal mayhem. Obviously, an issue to be discuss with my gynaecologist - which I did.  His professional diagnosis?  “It’s not your hormones that are the problem, it’s the fact that you can’t stop putting food into your mouth!” What a blow– no quick fix by a miracle of modern medicine. Ball’s back in my court.

Time for reflection.

My exercise routine……. I used to walk a few kilometres daily to and from work: a habit I developed after a wonderful sojourn in Switzerland where walking is de rigueur. A bad fracture, torn ligaments and a couple of DVTs interrupted that routine. Now I’m now finding it extremely difficult to rejuvenate this practice.

Food……. According to Fit and Firm for Women (L & D Hoy), I have a few issues with food.
  1. I eat when I am sad.
  2. I feel happier after eating.
  3. I regularly feel full.
  4. I am overweight.
  5. I nibble in front of the television. (Thank goodness T.V. watching is a rare event!)
  6. I eat when I’m not hungry.
  7. I eat as a diversion.
  8. I over-indulge.
  9. I choose the wrong foods when I’m under pressure.
What a list. …..I could have my own reality T.V. show!
One of my favourite Christmas foods, which always tastes nicer when we
pick them from the canes at Lily Pilly Farm.
So to sleep……. There are no crying babies to attend to….no other demands on my time other than that of work and home duties. So what has disrupted my sleep cycle? Technology. I’m seemingly forever on the computer – for work, leisure and for my blogging “fix”.
The blue spectrum of light stimulates specific receptors in our eyes, which in turn prime wakefulness.  So the solution for getting a good night’s sleep is simple -  press the Shut Down icon on the computer…….However, for me there is a growing chasm between knowing and doing. The older I get, the harder my bad habits are to break. A very unfortunate situation.

Another downside to being at the computer incessantly - prolonged sitting trims a few years of one’s life and leads to “writer’s bottom” …….flat !

All in all, I’m feeling very displeased with myself……. and I do like to be in control.
So number 1 on my Christmas list to Santa this year?  A packet – no, make that big stocking full of self-discipline. Will Santa deliver?

I had to stop and record this Christmas display in the middle of the Australian
sun. Each to their own!


Wednesday, 9 November 2011

The Root of the Problem.......

When I am passed a compliment it is accepted graciously. However, when it is from a person whom I admire, my spirits seem to overreact.  Helen is one of those people. Recently Helen returned from France stating that I looked very French.  "Ah…savoir-faire at last" I thought.....but not for long!  

My husband received his best hair cut here in Provence.
A fortnight ago, despite being on a 2 week break from work , I was unavailable to the world because I had a grey halo and Marc, my colourist, was fully booked out .….for 10 days! Only Marc is allowed to colour my hair. My suffering at the hands of  “professional colourists” in trying to achieve the “sun kissed” look is similar to that caused by bad cutters, but not as prolonged. There appears to be a problem with the porosity and proteins of my locks to which a number of colourists cannot adjust. I have been temporarily (very temporarily) orangutan orange, jet black, flamingo pink and white- blonde à la Marylyn Munro…… Hours of my life wasted in the hairdresser's chair with accompanying dangerously high, cortisol levels!
Then there was the episode of having litres of milk poured on my scalp. The colourist, Paul, forgot to set the timer, so he left me dozing with chemicals in my hair until I was woken by a fierce burning sensation. I had been brewing for an additional hour while he pranced around his salon gossiping with his celebrity clients.  When Paul sighted my burnt scalp the salon suddenly resembled an ants nest with all the worker ants focused on drenching my head with milk.  I was most unimpressed, as was my scalp. It took weeks for it to heal and, “to add insult to injury” the resulting colour was indescribable!  


So to grey or not to grey seems to be my perennial question.  Going au natural - what ever that may be – is very tempting. Grey and white hair can be so elegant and flattering if one has the appropriate skin tone and texture. But for the pale, and pasty brigade, of which I am one, grey hair can be aging.

The trouble with my grey hair is that its growth is erratic. As soon as a wisp of the grey sees some daylight, it sprouts forth at a frenetic pace, with profound social implications if my colourist is unavailable! 

After "fluffing about" at home and having to cancel some social engagements during my 2 weeks of holidays, I've decided that life is too short to be in self-imposed exile waiting for an appointment to have the “roots done”. And my hair is too unpredictable to make a booking chez le coiffeur, weeks ahead…So perhaps I’ve answered my own question…... But have I got the courage?

Monday, 8 August 2011

Mid- life Crisis and The Black Business Suit

I'm outcome driven, consequently I'm a list person. I've always made long lists in my head, a behaviour which I believe is now causing my telomeres to unravel at an accelerating rate. Due to a life time of list making, the increasing complexity of my daily rythme and my current state of hormonal mayhem,  I've  found that my hard drive is full, so now my lists have to be written - a habit, which in times of pressure, I tend to overlook.
This morning my list was cerebral.
  1. Lunches made - check
  2. Breakfast - too little time
  3. Brief case sitting beside the front door packed- check
  4. Adult children woken - check
  5. Phone father to remind him of his dental appointment - check
  6. Shower etc - check
  7. Black business suit today for early morning meeting - check
  8. Drive one adult daughter to the station (leave my comfortable slippers on) - check
  9. Return home to pack dishwasher - check
  10. Dog fed and outside -check
  11. Lights, heaters and computers off - check
  12. Grab brief case, dead  lock front door - check
  13. Arrive at meeting 7 minutes before schedule with relevant paper work- check
  14. Meeting a success, grab a cup of tea - check
  15. Prepare for next meeting and tend to cold feet..............merde!
  16. Hormonal mayhem can result in loss of dignity - check
Would you wear these to work? I did.


Mental note.....no, a written note in my diary....... bright pink, sparkling slippers clash with black business suit.


Tomorrow..... write list and insert - change from slippers to shoes before leaving the house - check.
The art of savoir-faire continues to elude me.......

Friday, 29 July 2011

Savoir-Faire


Effortless style
Savoir-faire - oh how I've longed for a touch of its allure. 
My mother possessed it - a necessary component of a young ladies repertoire in the 1940's .....or perhaps a result of her French heritage. Mother was an individual who was bien dans sa peau - happy in her own skin. She was always gracious and innately knew the subtle art of dressing...... More is less, but don't forget the gloves.  Your shoes "tell all". Quality is better than quantity. Good grooming, individual flair and laughter were her mantra. She wasn't one for following the flock.                                                                                       
As a child,  I assumed that I would acquire my mother's savoir-faire osmotically. As an adolescent, I realised that I didn't possess any savoir-faire.  And as an adult I searched for books which, would give me clues or better still, the steps by which I could gain some savoir-faire.
Unfortunately savoir-faire still eludes me - I'm not one whom others would describe as self-possessed, sexy or defiant.... maybe a touch defiant, but definitely not self-possessed and sadly for The Husband, not sexy....I'm of an age where undergarments and sleep wear must be comfortable.                   
Now, in a state of hormonal mayhem, I have finally found 2 books, What French Women Know and  Women, Work and the Art of Savoir-Faire that clearly explain why my life-long quest for savoir-faire has failed.  
From what I have gleaned, the reasons  are as follows.
1. Not enough shades of grey in one's thinking - very unsexy. It's the nuisances in life that make it interesting.
Sometimes black and white
thinking has it's place.
2. Needing to be  like one's peers - valuing sameness is definitely not chic. There is no standard way of looking or being.
3. An overly zealous appetite - size does matter. Self control is paramount and should appear effortless.
4. Failing to savour the experience of a relationship by focusing on the relationship's goal or outcome. 
5. Perfectionism - what a curse and a distraction. Life is imperfect. 
6. Failing to appreciate flirting as a form of amusement and flattery. For the French, flirting is "their drug of choice".
7. Lack of self confidence - an individual needs to be self contained in order to be their authentic self.  If not,  they will have.........
8. A lack of inner beauty to form outer beauty. 
Armed with this newly, acquired knowledge and diminished inhibition  - mid life has some advantages - it is time for my rebirth and a touch of  savoire faire......Ooh la la !       
                                                       
I'm taking only my torque and my savoir-faire.     Phillippe Gaertner

A definite lack of savoir-faire.